Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Just thinking…

It’s 4:30 on a Tuesday afternoon. And I am sitting in Starbucks. I just wanted to get away, to get a Caramel Macchiato, and to pound on my keyboard for a bit. It’s funny how much I miss writing when I’m not writing everyday, all day. So, here I sit, at a small, round table, wedged in the front corner of the store. I’m surrounded by floor-to-ceiling windows: chilly, but ideal for people watching, which I like to do sometimes. Christmas music plays softly as snow falls even softer outside... like a scene from a Christmas movie. I watch the hustle of people with agendas and schedules safely from inside my home away from home. I’m on break, and it’s very much delightful.

I like break. A lot. One of my favorite parts so far has been reading. I’ve read every day of break (completely for fun – mostly Anne Lamott), and hope to keep it up. My high school English teacher once told us that if we only do one thing to improve our writing, we should read. (More than anything else, including writing… just read.) So, I’m reading. It’s good for the soul, anyway. Like… chicken soup?

(Sidenote… I am a horrible eavesdropper. Or maybe I’m just a creeper. I keep getting distracted! But some guy with a beard just came in and ordered a 5-shot Americano! Now THAT is what I’m talking about. I have a huge respect for people who don’t mess around with their coffee.)

Anyway. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been writing a lot this past semester, because I’m now on break and have time to think, because I'm a Comm major, or maybe because I’ve been watching too many movies… But lately, I’ve been more… observant? I see a 30-something woman with three kids and I immediately wonder about her story. I wonder how she got here, if she once had dreams to be a soccer mom, or if life just happened along the way. I wonder about the business man sitting two tables over from me, talking loudly on his cell phone. Does he enjoy his job? Does he have a family? I have no idea why I am curious about strangers. I don’t know why I’m wondering, but I can’t stop. New people walk in the store, and I wonder some more. A couple in their 50's just sat down at the table next to me. They ordered hot chocolate. I think they’re on a date because they’re super awkward. It’s kind of cute. What about them? I can’t help but wonder about their stories.

Now that I have one semester of college left, I’m wondering: what next? How much of life is determined by small decisions? This is both exciting and terrifying to me. Well, not terrifying, I guess… but slightly humbling. I know there’s parts of life I cannot control, but I just want to be doing something I love, you know? I want to enjoy coming into work everyday. I know I don’t have complete control over the rest of life… who I meet, what happens, what happens next… but I just hope that love what I do. I want a job that matters… that I can really sink my teeth into. (Ew… is that gross? You know what I mean.) Thinking about my future is becoming more inevitable by the day. I’m just praying God’s got my back and that he’ll open or close doors for me. There’s nothing wrong with being a soccer mom or a business man or a single 50-something person. I just wonder if that’s what they want to be doing. Or if not, what happened? I wonder what was going on in their minds senior year of college…

(Ok, this window table is getting chilly. My NOSE is cold. And I just took the last sip of my drink. That’s always sad. BY THE WAY- someone just ordered a VENTI SALTED CARAMEL HOT CHOCOLATE. I had no idea people ordered those things. In venti. Sick.)

So anyway, I guess I should go. Peace until next time!


rachel said...

1. loving that internet at starbucks? :) use it anytime. (if you're still using mine...)

2. the salted carmel hot chocolate is rather tasty, but maybe not on the volume of the venti.

3. it's good to write/read for fun. keep doing it.

4. you have not been watching too many movies. i don't think that's possible.

J. M. Richards said...

I love reading your blog. Perhaps, selfishly,m because you entertian thoughts that I also contemplate, and I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one out there who does.

I love to wonder about people's stories, and if that's weird, then there you have it: I'm weird. But I suspect that is just part of being a writer.

What's weird to me is that I am several years older than you, yet I feel like I am still in that place of wondering about my future, feeling like I am waiting for it to begin. Wondering what God has in store for me, where He wants me. And that's not how I thought I'd feel at 29. So, yeah, I guess sometimes life does just happen, and you end up in a different place than you thought. I don't I've wasted my time; but if I had to relive the last decade of my life over again, I think I'd have been gutsier with my choices. Not settled for what was safe. Because once you start to get comfortable, it's hard to move out of that and really *Live* the way you long to in your heart.

Just sayin'.

Take it with a grain of salt, these ramblings of an introspective almost thirty-something. :)