d-o-n-e.

praise the Lord, i'm done with j-term! hello, new chapter of my year. :)

i'm off to kentucky for break! see you when i get back.

update.

so i'm back in my room now. with gray crap covering the 50+ bullet holes in our walls. and nasty/AWESOME red and yellow carpet that resembles "hotel carpet." (pictures to come, don't you worry.) but... at least we're not vagabonds anymore. which is great. and the massive dehumidifier fans are all gone. so life has returned to some form of "normal." still figuring out insurance junk. still no macbook. blah.

it's effing cold right now. single digits. kinda makes me hate indiana. (...except that pretty much everywhere is cold right now.) ah well. at least it's MLK day today. nooooo classssss.

i finally saw once. you know... that new musical set in dublin. it was.. different. but i really, really liked it. and of course it made me miss it even more... gahh.

clearly, i'm rambling now... i'm going to stop. i have more to say, but no motivation to say it. sometimes i'll be thinking about something and the next thing i know, i'm drafting a blog entry in my head. so i'm a freak? ha. don't answer that.

...more later.

still homeless. and now with 52 holes in my wall.

screw optimism. i'm so sick of this.

perspective.

isn't it funny what kinds of things change your perspective? it took a flooded room to change mine.

the story: last friday night, at about 1.30am, a pipe burst in the attic of my dorm. it flooded 3rd west and center and hit a bunch of rooms on 2nd west. my lucky room was one of the flooded ones. at first, i was kind of shocked. then annoyed. then... homeless. ha. now, four days later, it's still frustrating (don't know what's up with insurance and whatnot... my laptop, carpet, and potentially a bunch of other things are ruined...) but lately, i've come to realize that it's all just stuff. (and hopefully, it can all be replaced.) it sucks, but it's life. and it gave me a chance to see true community and servanthood in the wee hours of saturday morning. girls on the east side opened up their rooms to us... guys came over at 2... 3... 4am to help us clean and rip up carpet. all graciously, without complaining. it gave me another reason to be thankful i'm at taylor.

i'm still "homeless" (our rooms were deemed "unliveable" since they put in this huge inflated contraption that shoots SUPER dry into our rooms.. to pull out the water in the walls and ceiling)... and i guess i just feel really "unsettled" (my stuff is spread throughout 3 or 4 rooms)... but i'm ok. and alive. and so are the rest of the girls. so life is good, right? oh! and it's my birthday. i'm totally 21. :)

ah, taylor.

it's grand to be back. :)

agh.

probably my least favorite question ever: "so, what do you want to do with your life?"

annoys the crap out of me. but what's worse: if someone's not asking me, i find myself asking the same horrible question to my friends.

why? i don't know. but i think i've asked it 3 times today.

the truth is, i think i'm scared. maybe because i have friends who have already graduated and started lives in "the real world." maybe because i have friends who are engaged. maybe because i have friends who are MARRIED. maybe because i really don't know what the heck i want to do with my life. maybe because i get nervous when i think too far beyond tomorrow.

i wish decisions could just happen effortlessly and my life could just fall into my lap.

i know that's next to impossible. ...it's too bad anyway.

divided heart.

lately, i've been having a hard time appreciating christmas. this is weird for me. i'm one of "those people" who loves EVERYTHING about christmas. i love the blustery weather, the smell of christmas cookies, picking out (or in my case, usually making) just the right present, CHRISTMAS MUSIC, starbucks holiday drinks, christmas movies (HOME ALONE), decorations and lights... i even love the phrase "merry christmas." but lately, for some reason, i've been hung up with the fact that some countries (heck, even some families in the united states) will not have perfectly wrapped presents with shiny bows underneath their christmas trees this year... if they even have christmas trees. (am i being depressing enough for the day before christmas eve? yeah? ok, sorry.) it's just that i'm having a hard time appreciating it all fully when i know that some people have so very little. and some people, just have little to celebrate.

i don't know why this has suddenly hit me this year. it's not a fleeting thought, either; it keeps coming back to me. perhaps it has something to do with being more "globally minded" (which studying abroad has definitely done to me)? i don't know. but it's something i've been praying about... because i can't get it out of my heart and my mind. overall, our country is so extravagant... (and i guess that bothers me?) i want to enjoy christmas and to rejoice. and i have... and i will... but in the back of my mind, my heart breaks for those who have so little.

hmm.

sorry for being such a debbie downer, haha. i'm afraid it's all i've got right now.