so... the past couple church sermons have got this head thinking. i think one reason why they've resonated so much with me is because they go hand in hand with some advice i got from my dear friend julia this past semester. she told me that she has to be filled up with God before anything else makes sense. even though she has a boyfriend and grad school and whatever else, those only satisfy certain parts of her heart. her deepest longing is to be filled with Jesus. and if she isn't, then none of the rest make sense.
last week, our church decided to start a new sermon series called "living life on empty." (again, i resonate, because this is kind of how i felt last year.) the question was posed last week and this week: "what are we trying to fill our lives with that ends up being inadequate to satisfy the 'vacuum' in our hearts?" hmm. for me? being busy. i'm pretty sure that's my big one. because if i stopped for one freaking second, i would realize that it's not all about what i have to get done or where i need to be. even being home, taking a break from school, i struggle to make sufficient time for my Lord. busyness cannot fill my God shaped vacuum; it only distracts me from it. only when i make the time to make Christ my center will anything make sense. (but you know, when things don't make sense, when my heart hurts, i shouldn't ignore the pain, because pain is what reminds us that we need God. it reminds us we're human. ...which sucks, but we need a reminder every now and then, right?)
i don't know if this makes as much sense written out as it does in my head and my heart right now. it's kind of a bunch of truth jumbled together... but sometimes i think i need to just write it down to let it sink in. i know for a fact that i fill my life with things that are ultimately unsatisfying at the end of the day. it's my prayer that i start seeking eternal things more, that i start seeking God's face more, that i let God fill my God shaped vacuum.