Ohh life.

Job hunting is in full swing. I made an appointment with the Career Development office for this afternoon for resume-tweaking help. (on my own accord - not a class assignment!), I've e-mailed friends for leads, I've spent hours searching craig's list and monster.com, and I've signed up for a million "job alerts" in the communication field. As soon as I get some professional advice on my resume this afternoon, HELLO JOB APPLICATIONS.

(It's February 25, and suddenly I'm realizing this. Life is so stinking sneaky. HO-LY COW!)

I was feeling the pressure this morning for many reasons, mainly because everyone and their mom is telling us how bad the economy is and how we need to act quickly and snatch up whatever job we can find. (I'm not kidding. I've heard this from probably four separate people this past week.) But then I opened up my mailbox and saw a letter from home. In it, was a verse that said:

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." (Psalm 37:7)

Thanks, parents, for knowing I needed that reassurance. This economy scares me a lot. It's probably going to be a rough few months, but I'm going to try to be still (but proactive!) and wait patiently. I do believe God's got something great out there for me... I really do. I just have noooo idea what it is or where it is or when I'll find it.

Geeeeeze louise.

Dad Update.

My dad started his second round of chemo yesterday. Mom says he is still looking and feeling good, but also that he's just recently become bald. Despite the fact that he's had a full head of hair his entire life, he's handling this well, joking that he has "a great head shape." :) Even though I haven't seen any pictures yet, this knowledge kind of hits me hard... it's like a physical acknowledgment that he's fighting cancer, you know? I try not to think about it too much.

Supposedly, the nausea and fatigue get worse with each treatment, but I'm praying that it doesn't...

So, there's a quick update. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and for asking. I so appreciate it.


(A picture I just found today. It's me and Dad from way back when.) :)

Extending grace.

Sometimes I get really pissed off. It doesn't take much, either... a headache; a friend who's short with me; a certain campus bookstore that rips me off; being sick; an egotistical boss; a wal-mart that doesn't have any damn single subject, college-ruled notebooks (thus sending me on a wild goose chase for a few simple school supplies)...

Basically, when life doesn't work out, I get annoyed. Aggravated. On edge. It's times like these that I tend to take comments personally when I shouldn't. I tend to close myself off. I tend to stress out when my friends or family are hurting, because I hurt for them and I just want to make it better, but I can't, and then there's all this hurt going around, and it's just too much.

...you know?

Today, all of the above happened. And instead of taking a deep breath, reminding myself that I'm ok, reminding myself that Jesus is in control, I got annoyed. I don't remember consciously making this decision to become annoyed. It just sort of happened. My brow furrowed. My head became more congested. I grew quiet. And I assumed the whole world was out to get me. ...which, of course, it's not. It's just fallen.

This is something I need to work on. I get so pissed when life is not fair, so aggravated at injustice and incompetent people. But if life was fair, I'd be dealing with a whole other set of issues, like unforgiven sin and being eternally damned to hell. Right??

I am so stinking thankful for grace. And because of how grace has changed my life, shouldn't I try to extend that grace to others when they treat me unfairly or poorly? And shouldn't I hand my burdens over to God instead of clinging onto them myself? Yes, I should. But God, help me, that's hard stuff...

Lord, help me extend grace. Let me release my little clenched fingers from grudges and frustration. Let me remove this notion of "fairness" and just love like you do. Amen.