Sometimes I get really pissed off. It doesn't take much, either... a headache; a friend who's short with me; a certain campus bookstore that rips me off; being sick; an egotistical boss; a wal-mart that doesn't have any damn single subject, college-ruled notebooks (thus sending me on a wild goose chase for a few simple school supplies)...
Basically, when life doesn't work out, I get annoyed. Aggravated. On edge. It's times like these that I tend to take comments personally when I shouldn't. I tend to close myself off. I tend to stress out when my friends or family are hurting, because I hurt for them and I just want to make it better, but I can't, and then there's all this hurt going around, and it's just too much.
Today, all of the above happened. And instead of taking a deep breath, reminding myself that I'm ok, reminding myself that Jesus is in control, I got annoyed. I don't remember consciously making this decision to become annoyed. It just sort of happened. My brow furrowed. My head became more congested. I grew quiet. And I assumed the whole world was out to get me. ...which, of course, it's not. It's just fallen.
This is something I need to work on. I get so pissed when life is not fair, so aggravated at injustice and incompetent people. But if life was fair, I'd be dealing with a whole other set of issues, like unforgiven sin and being eternally damned to hell. Right??
I am so stinking thankful for grace. And because of how grace has changed my life, shouldn't I try to extend that grace to others when they treat me unfairly or poorly? And shouldn't I hand my burdens over to God instead of clinging onto them myself? Yes, I should. But God, help me, that's hard stuff...
Lord, help me extend grace. Let me release my little clenched fingers from grudges and frustration. Let me remove this notion of "fairness" and just love like you do. Amen.