First day...

I opened the door this morning to find I was the first one in the office... with no passwords or keys. I knew they would come along eventually, so I just plopped myself down in my new swivel chair at my new desk. I basked in the moment... being the first to anything is an entirely new concept to me. And then the door creaked opened. It was Billy, an old African American maintenance man with kind eyes. He was super nice, but I think I scared him. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I was sitting in the dark. Alone. At 8.32 am. Poor Billy, haha... A strange, but funny start to my first day.

Today was basically an orientation day. Kind of... I learned how to answer the phone and transfer calls... (definitely do not have it down yet... but I WILL get it!). I learned how the security system works. I got a tour of the building. I called the DC office and got some passwords to facebook and twitter accounts... I created a sign-up form. I filled out my W-2 form... (for the first time ever, not being exempt from everything). I set up my desk and organized things a bit. To be honest, I spent most of my time going through old Collegians Director files... just investigating. I think it's how I learn the best... just figuring things out in my own way in my own time. And it's more fun!

It was kind of an exhausting day, ironically, because I think my biggest accomplishment was figuring out how to turn off the AC unit behind my desk. It revolutionized my life and made me feel like an idiot at the same time.

I can't wait to put up some pictures on my wall tomorrow. It's so minor, but it will make my little nook more homey. And hopefully, it will make me feel better about this sudden grown-up-ness. When I glance up, I will remember the days of my youth... when I studied abroad in Ireland and had no cares in the world... and when I was in college and didn't have to worry about taxes and health insurance. (Speaking of which, I spent OVER an hour tonight meeting with a health insurance guy who helped me pick out a plan... I was soooo thankful my parents met with me. AHH.)

The first job is such a big deal, isn't it? It's all people talk about their last semester of college and their summer, post-college. It's true, in the most irritating way. But now that I have it, now that I've got the first day under my belt... I'm feeling this resistance in my heart. It's not that I don't want it... it's just that I feel like childhood is slipping away... in a way. That's a bit melodramatic, but this is so new and weird. You mean I get a SALARY?? I get BENEFITS?? SICK DAYS?? VACATION??! MEMOS?! I'm beginning to get the way I often get when I'm stressed or tired or attempting to resist the whole growing up thing... Symptom 1: sudden cravings for old-school animated Disney movies. Symptom 2: eyes glaze over.

AHH. But ok! BRIGHT SIDE: At least I get to start work in the middle of the week... which means I only have two more days till the weekend!! And this weekend, I'm headed up to Indiana for a wedding reception/party and some qua-li-ty Taylor friend time in Indy. That will help with this growing-up-itis crap. I hope.

Why am I such a baby? Sigh.

Update.

So... I finally HAVE A JOB! (A legit one!!)

I'll be working at a political organization (does God have a sense of humor?) in downtown Clayton as their "Collegians Director." This basically means I'll be communicating with high school and college students (mostly via social networking - facebook, twitter, blogging, etc - updating them and interacting with them), planning a conference in DC (!), designing, writing, editing, and other random things like answering the phone, editing video, duplicating cds, etc. This also means I am soon-to-be (thankfully) health-insured and making money. And actually using that comm. degree! Wooo!

It's happened oh-so-fast, as I just went in for the interview last Wednesday! I start in two days. So goodbye, summer and unemployment and sleeping in. Hello, salary and early mornings (COFFEE) and high heels. Yikesabee!

Seriously.

So, I really want to do this at my wedding...

Big week.

This week has been kind of a big one as far as decisions/productivity/developing some serious faith. It feels like it should be at least Thursday...

Yesterday, I decided that Mars Hill for this fall is a no-go. I kept clinging to these little threads of hope... but I finally had to just acknowledge that it's not possible right now. It was hard, but probably the "best" decision, as much as I hate to say it. I kept wrestling with finding the balance between making the "wise" decision and taking the proverbial "leap." I know that most decisions in life, we aren't sure about. We aren't supposed to be. So that part of me wonders if I should have just jumped and gone for it. But then I think about all the reasons I said no, and all the uncertainty I/others felt, and it makes more sense. I just wish I knew sometimes what God was "calling" me to do... really clearly and specifically. I kept thinking he was calling me to Mars Hill... and maybe he was. And maybe he is/will. But I don't know. Will I ever know? I'm really trying to listen... trying to be open... It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don't think I'm doing so great.

After I reluctantly sent in my letter of intent to Mars Hill, I spent the rest of the day job hunting. I applied for a few jobs and followed up with a few people. I ended up scheduling an interview for today and tomorrow! However, today's interview seemed really sketch... They found my resume on Monster.com and I just got a weird vibe from them. I got up early this morning and researched the company a bit... they're an insurance company that doesn't pay a salary or give benefits... it's 100% commission. I guess I could have gone to "get the experience" of the interview for the heck of it... but decided to spend my time wisely. So I called and canceled and came to Starbucks for "Free Pastry Morning" instead. (A much better use of my time, right?) Don't worry... I have another interview tomorrow that I promise I will go to. :) (Sidenote... at some time in my life... I don't know when... I WILL be a barista. I have to.)

But Hilton Head was great! Good, sweet family time. A nice mix between laughing and relaxing... and forgetting all job-related things for a week. Heaven?

A delightful little coffee shop on the island.

An appropriate read for the beach. Great book with incredible truth.

Sunrise walk on the last day.

Beautiful weekend.

I'm more reminded than ever of God's presence... and goodness.

I had some quality time alone on the way up to Chicago and Michigan, and then on the way home. Much of this time was spent shamelessly singing/dancing to Girl Talk... and some of it was spent in silence.  I turned off the music a few times and just kind of basked in it. And then I prayed aloud. I was alone and free to be honest... and there was a long road ahead of me. When I finished praying, I just felt so full. I cannot explain it except that I felt this tremendous sense of OK-ness. Peace.

The job interview went well, and I liked the organization, but I don't think it's for me. The 3-5 year commitment really got to me; I don't think I can do it. And I didn't feel at peace. So... I don't think I'm going to continue in the interview process (there would be 4 more interviews IN Chicago!).

The time spent with friends was beautiful and full of joy. Multiple coffee/breakfast/lunch/dinner dates with Taylor folk in Wheaton. (I was in heaven.) And the wedding was just... wonderful. From our lunch at B-DUBS beforehand (where girly squealing ensued as we ran to embrace after a month and a half of being apart) to the hilarious dancing at the wedding, and lingering in the parking lot for over an hour after the reception, just because we didn't want to say goodbye yet... it was a sweet time.

The face we make when there is no more Blue Moon to be had.

Awkward picture that kind of failed... but still brings joy to my heart.