Transition.

This weekend was just what I needed: a chill First North reunion in Indy. We talked and laughed and ate bagels and wore sweat pants all day and took a long walk on the Monon trail and watched a cheesy movie and reminisced and loved our lives. It was absolutely and completely perfect... a beautiful reminder of the friendships I've been blessed with these past four years.

Today has been weird. It's just the realization that I'm graduated and not going back for another year. Not bad at all... good and healthy... but just weird, you know? As of this weekend, my brother is moved in and doing crazy college shenanigans, no doubt. And I'm working 40 hours a week and being responsible?! I'll get over it eventually. It's just that this is my favorite part of Taylor... the fall and the beginning and the newness and excitement! (Ok, yeah... I miss it a little.)

But something good! It's fall..ish here, too! I walked outside tonight and had to run back in for a JACKET! YES PLEASE! Tomorrow is the first day of Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks. So OBVIOUSLY, I will be getting one on the way to work. :)

Please pray.

Monsanto laid off 900 employees this morning and my dad was one of them. I don't really know what to say other than please pray he finds another job soon? Obviously, this puts our fam in a really rough spot... and my dad has had a hell of a year, with the cancer and whatnot. I feel so bad for him.

I'm trying to not be mad, but the truth is, I kind of am.

Of late.

I'm in love with every aspect of this evening's weather: cool and breezy and calm. I just got back from a long walk by myself. (I love walks by myself.) When I'm alone, I notice... the kids playing baseball in the side yard next to me, the cute white christmas lights strung across the fence, the intoxicating whiff of honeysuckle... all the "feel good" sights and smells and feels. We live on a beautiful street.

Ok, I must confess... I am absolutely obsessed with the house at the end of our street. (In the most non-creepy way possible, of course.) It's red brick with a green door and purple shutters. (I love shutters.) They have a dalmation, a white picket fence, and a brilliant, colorful garden - pinks and yellows and purples. It's the perfect blend of classy and cute. But tonight, as I rounded the corner, I heard banjos playing. Banjos! Trying not to look too creepy, I stole a glance. A father and son (I presume) were playing little tunes back and forth. I fell in love a little. And of course, my favorite part of the whole house was above them... two cute lawn chairs perched on top of the flat porch roof, perfect for star gazing... perfect for life!

I know it's Friday night, but I purposely decided to chill. I needed to. The fam has all gone in their different directions... so I took a walk and now I'm blogging?? And soon, I intend to either read or scrapbook or watch a movie. (It's more than ok... I'm quite secure in this evening's lameness.)

Lately, I've been falling into a routine. Routines are tricky things... if I don't have enough structure, I'm a mess, but if I have too much, I get all restless. Thankfully, I've been feeling somewhat balanced lately. But I'm tired. I've never actually had 40 hour work weeks before! It takes a lot out of you.

But I'm doing well. There's a certain satisfaction in finishing a busy work day and in making it to the weekend. And I've loved reconnecting with high school/church/childhood friends. Since I'm not going back to Taylor this fall, like I have for the past four years, I feel like I can really live my life as a St. Louisan again... which is kind of nice. Lots of concerts and Cards games and parties and whatnot. It's just nice to be in one spot. I mean, soon, I know the nostalgia will come as school starts back up. (Taylor falls are my favorite.)

But such is life, eh? It goes on. And thank goodness.

Alice in Wonderland.

Yesterday, I stopped by the Galleria on the way home from work to pick up facewash. I had been inside the store for about 30 seconds when this employee rushes up to me and goes, "OH. MY. GODDDD." I look up to see a flamboyant gay man with his hands on his hips and jaw dropped.

I smile and say, "Heyy..."

He says, "Girl. You look look like Alice in Wonderland!"

(At this point, I am trying SO hard not to laugh.)

"Oh... thanks!"

He shakes his head and flails his arms, "NO, NO! In a GOOD way. That dress is magical... Sweet and innocent and feminine." Then he lowers his voice and whispers, "But secretly naughty!"

I BUSTED out laughing, then tried to control myself as he told me I "haaaaad" to try their new moisturizer. He stuffed trial sized samples into my bag and referred to me as "girrrrrlfriend" about six times while I was checking out. Then told me to have an "amaaazzing dayyyy!"

I left the store swinging my bag of facewash and moisturizer samples... laughing at the past 3 minutes of my life. A mall cop gave me a funny look... I was by myself, afterall. But, ohhh man. What a GREAT way to end the work day.

Perspective.

Sometimes I'm such an idiot that it makes me laugh.

Today was Monday. (Strike one.) I had a bad attitude. (Strike two.) I... could keep going. But I will spare you. It just wasn't the greatest of days... right down to the moment I was pulling out of work (where you can never really see either way, due to rush hour traffic and parked cars) and an SUV came out of no where and LAID on the horn... a few unnecessary seconds longer than a normal honk, if you ask me. I swore. I was annoyed and hot and flustered and tired.

While driving home, brow still furrowed, I pulled into Tilles Park. (It was a complete whim; I never go to Tilles Park.) My arms just turned the steering wheel and suddenly, I was in the park, in search of the swings. (Naturally... because when you are mad at the world, there is nothing like a good, liberating swing with the wind in your face.)

I found the swings, but there were children. On every single swing. I muttered "dammit" under my breath. Then stopped. They were children... bright, happy, shiny, beautiful, innocent children enjoying the swings... that are technically for them anyway, I guess. I was all in a huff about who-knows-what. Unimportant things. I took a deep breath, and without warning, started laughing at my pathetic self. It was weird. I decided to loop around the park and calm down.

I took in the lush greenery and bright blue sky above me and the sun that pierced through the clouds... and all of the people, young and old, enjoying life. It was all so startlingly fresh and good. And in that moment, I was thankful. And then I was ok.

When I struggle, I'm usually forgetful. I forget how blessed I am. I forget how OK I am. I forget that even though this season of life is new and hard..ish... that I will be ok. Beginnings are hard, but we make it through. It only takes a glance around or a glance behind to see where God's brought me from. He's faithful. I am and will be ok.

Come downstairs and say hello.

Sometimes songs get to me. They move me in a way I can't put my finger on, except that as the words and melody roll around in my head, I just know it's important.

Last Friday night, I saw Guster live under the glorious St. Louis arch. For free. With great friends. On a beautiful summer evening. I wondered if life could get any better... then they played my favorite song! (This obviously does not do it justice...)

MAN, I love them! So much.

Lots of stuff going on in my head/heart this week. More to come after a bit of processing. :)

First day...

I opened the door this morning to find I was the first one in the office... with no passwords or keys. I knew they would come along eventually, so I just plopped myself down in my new swivel chair at my new desk. I basked in the moment... being the first to anything is an entirely new concept to me. And then the door creaked opened. It was Billy, an old African American maintenance man with kind eyes. He was super nice, but I think I scared him. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I was sitting in the dark. Alone. At 8.32 am. Poor Billy, haha... A strange, but funny start to my first day.

Today was basically an orientation day. Kind of... I learned how to answer the phone and transfer calls... (definitely do not have it down yet... but I WILL get it!). I learned how the security system works. I got a tour of the building. I called the DC office and got some passwords to facebook and twitter accounts... I created a sign-up form. I filled out my W-2 form... (for the first time ever, not being exempt from everything). I set up my desk and organized things a bit. To be honest, I spent most of my time going through old Collegians Director files... just investigating. I think it's how I learn the best... just figuring things out in my own way in my own time. And it's more fun!

It was kind of an exhausting day, ironically, because I think my biggest accomplishment was figuring out how to turn off the AC unit behind my desk. It revolutionized my life and made me feel like an idiot at the same time.

I can't wait to put up some pictures on my wall tomorrow. It's so minor, but it will make my little nook more homey. And hopefully, it will make me feel better about this sudden grown-up-ness. When I glance up, I will remember the days of my youth... when I studied abroad in Ireland and had no cares in the world... and when I was in college and didn't have to worry about taxes and health insurance. (Speaking of which, I spent OVER an hour tonight meeting with a health insurance guy who helped me pick out a plan... I was soooo thankful my parents met with me. AHH.)

The first job is such a big deal, isn't it? It's all people talk about their last semester of college and their summer, post-college. It's true, in the most irritating way. But now that I have it, now that I've got the first day under my belt... I'm feeling this resistance in my heart. It's not that I don't want it... it's just that I feel like childhood is slipping away... in a way. That's a bit melodramatic, but this is so new and weird. You mean I get a SALARY?? I get BENEFITS?? SICK DAYS?? VACATION??! MEMOS?! I'm beginning to get the way I often get when I'm stressed or tired or attempting to resist the whole growing up thing... Symptom 1: sudden cravings for old-school animated Disney movies. Symptom 2: eyes glaze over.

AHH. But ok! BRIGHT SIDE: At least I get to start work in the middle of the week... which means I only have two more days till the weekend!! And this weekend, I'm headed up to Indiana for a wedding reception/party and some qua-li-ty Taylor friend time in Indy. That will help with this growing-up-itis crap. I hope.

Why am I such a baby? Sigh.