Thursday, September 20, 2007

tug of wars and teeter totters.

so taylor. i love school (especially being back here after being abroad and then home for the summer). i missed dorm life and friends and handy andy runs and paynes and chapel and yes, the cornfields.

in some ways, being back on campus is like riding a bike. i pick up where i left off and the transition is relatively seamless (except that this time, i'm re-entering the taylor life as a junior, an UPPERCLASSMAN. i sometimes have to remind myself because that is JUST.SO.WEIRD.). mostly, i love being back. but being back means i'm missing something else. the flipside of the coin is that i miss ireland. immensely. i figured i had the whole summer to prep myself, to sort of "get over" missing it. but there's really no "getting over" an experience that changed me and a country that holds such a dear place in my heart.

so i currently have this little tug of war going on in my heart... loving taylor, missing ireland... agh. i know i can't have both. i think God's teaching me a lesson in letting go right now, because as beautiful as those 4 months were, they are over. i can still remember and laugh and look at pictures and share memories... but i'm here now. and i need to really "be" here, you know? i'm only a junior once. i need to embrace it and live it up.

but... that's kind of hard when classes are kickin my booty. every minute of every class, i am reminded that i am an upperclassman. they're hard classes anyway, but taking them after my ridiculously easy "irish courseload" is a double whammy. and along with my 16 credit hours and my 2 jobs, i'm trying to squeeze in a social life... easier said than done. not to mention that now i have all these different "groups" of friends... my ireland friends, my old wingmates, my new wingmates, my brother, my graduated friends... trying to manage my time this semester is a bit like a teeter totter.

this makes me think of a verse i discovered during a quiet time on those big rocks by the greystones harbor:


God is always there, just waiting for me to come to him. again and again and again. when i start to get overwhelmed, when my heart starts the tug of war thing, when managing my time becomes the teeter tottering act, i really try to remember that. i even wrote it out and stuck it on my wall to remind me. hopefully i'll get this down soon?

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