Saturday, October 20, 2007

fast forward?

is it just me, or does anyone else feel like life is suddenly caught in this fast-forward mode? i try not to think about it too much, because i have a tendency to over-analyze and freak out and prematurely worry anyway.

anyways. i think i always at least try to just enjoy life as much as i can... as whitman says, "to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." i think i did that in ireland, almost consciously, because i knew my time there was limited. i went off by myself to spend time with the sea and God and my caramel latte from homans. and then i, of course, spent loads of quality time with my fellow isp'ers, exploring new towns and coffeeshops, going to sweet concerts, paintballing, hiking, road trips, and the list could go on and on until you just want to slap me in the face to bring me back to the reality that i'm not there anymore...

looking back, i'm pretty sure i enjoyed that experience to the fullest. and it was such a beautiful, healthy balance, you know? but now that i'm back at taylor, in the middle of the semester, i honestly don't know where the time has gone. i think, even after being back for two months, that i'm still not "all here." my mindset changed so much over there. i learned to be still and to just enjoy. and i could do that, because i didn't have two tests, a project, quiz, and paper all due the next day. now, i find myself just trying to keep my head above water. largely, i find myself yearning to be able to live deep again, to suck out the marrow, to just be still and enjoy. i'm only in college once. this is my only first semester of junior year that i'll ever get. and it's already half over. i don't even want to start down the path of freaking out about how in two months, i'll only have three semesters left till graduation. few things terrify me more. (dramatic side of me... coming out now.)

i guess i just wish i could slow life down a bit... every now and then... to hit pause so i wouldn't miss the imporant things. remember when we were little? and it seemed like FOREVER until christmas or our birthdays? yeah, me too. i kind of wish for that. just a little bit of that.

1 comment:

Julia Brantley said...

i found your blog!
love the pic of what you miss. me too.
big hug,
jules