carpe diem?

aside from selected moments where i've gotten overwhelmed with the ominous "future" or just life in general, this has been the most fulfilling summer i've had in awhile, or maybe, ever.  instead of wishing my summer away so i can get back to my friends and the familiarity of that crazy town of upland, i've been enjoying my summer.  really enjoying it.  this is my last summer at home before i graduate.  and this year is my last year of college.  i'd be a fool not to soak this summer up and take it for what it's worth.  besides, st. louis is baller.  except for the humidity.

so, tomorrow is august.  that means i have 18 days left in the lou.  senior year is coming quickly, dudes.  i've been warned that once it begins, it flies.  although this is a bit scary, i think this summer has been prepping me on how to "soak it up."  if there's one thing i've learned these past few years, it's that life is not guaranteed.  it is a precious, precious gift.  i'm not going to wish a day away because i have a test or a presentation or an interview i'm dreading.  that's one day of my life, one day unlike any other i'll ever have again.  soak it up.  live it up.  those are my goals for senior year.  i have a feeling it's going to be a blast.  

alright, that's enough "seize the day" talk for one day.  on an unrelated and kind of opposite note, you need to listen to this...  go to tinysong.com.  type in "dead puppies" and click on the first result.  it is so funny.  (i'd have put up the youtube link, but some of them are, um, slightly graphic.)  enjoy!

full.

i am currently sitting on our oceanside balcony, watching and listening to the waves crash on the myrtle beach shore in front of me.  the sun's ready to slip behind the endless, blue horizon.  old men are fishing down the beach, with sailor hats and big guts.  palm trees shimmy in the ocean breeze.  kids in the pool play keep-away.  the wind plays with my hair.  the air smells salty.

i inhale deeply.  and smile.  drink it in.  thank you, God.

i've found this to be an especially relaxing vacation.  in fact, this has been an especially relaxing summer.  i've realized the need to not be so busy, to not go so fast, to just be.  and to enjoy it.  this, my friends, is revolutionary in the life of blake bachman.  i'm always "so busy."  and i'm usually late to things.  i call it "being fashionably late."  my mom sees it differently.  and she called me out on it one of my first weeks home.  "that's just who i am," i reasoned.  "and that's a cop out," she said.  dammit, she's right.  

i've been working on it.  i've also been working on some other things like saving money (starbucks expenses have drastically dropped), going to bed earlier (my normal 2 am doesn't work so well with the whole early morning job thing), working out (why hello, YMCA!), and setting other unflinchingly rigid routines (which are good for me to have...  like reading before bed and praying on the way to work... they sound trivial, perhaps, but they've been good for me).  i don't really know how to explain the result of this except that i am beginning to feel more "me" than i have in a long time.  i'm giving my soul room to breathe.  to figure things out.  and it's so terribly, wonderfully, beautifully refreshing.  i feel full. (not like after thankgiving dinner or girls' weekend at the lake (haha...) but i have this tremendous sense of OK-ness.  peace.  that God's in control.  that i'm ok now and will be after i graduate, too (deep breath).  and also, that God called us to live abundant lives in this crazy world.  ...i guess that's kind of what i'm working through, anyway.  baby steps.) 

the moon is out now, dancing faintly on the water.  it's exquisite.  i'd stay to write more, but my battery is dying.  and i think that's a good enough update for now.  

i think i'll go lean on the railing and watch the ocean some more.  drink it in.  be still.  be full.   goodnight.

check him out. for real.

an update is coming soon, i promise.

to tide you over until then (i'm sure you're dying to hear what's been going on in this brain, right?  er..) ...  youtube "greg laswell."  he opened for ingrid michaelson this past wednesday. (which, by the way, is in my top 4 concerts of all time, i think.  maybe even 3.  ok, probably 4.  but it was still so, so good.)  ingrid is a fricking genius.  but greg held his own.  i've never loved an opening band, and i'd never even heard of him, but he was brilliant.  he's funny and honest and talented.  such a great combo.  check. this. guy. out.

some of my favorite lyrics (from his song "embrace me"):

o river won't you take me

out into the sea

so i can get a good look back 

at the land that grounds me

and then a little further out

so i can feel alone

much more than i have these days

o then won't you embrace me

o won't you embrace me?

AHH.  so. good.