Tuesday, July 15, 2008

full.

i am currently sitting on our oceanside balcony, watching and listening to the waves crash on the myrtle beach shore in front of me.  the sun's ready to slip behind the endless, blue horizon.  old men are fishing down the beach, with sailor hats and big guts.  palm trees shimmy in the ocean breeze.  kids in the pool play keep-away.  the wind plays with my hair.  the air smells salty.

i inhale deeply.  and smile.  drink it in.  thank you, God.
i've found this to be an especially relaxing vacation.  in fact, this has been an especially relaxing summer.  i've realized the need to not be so busy, to not go so fast, to just be.  and to enjoy it.  this, my friends, is revolutionary in the life of blake bachman.  i'm always "so busy."  and i'm usually late to things.  i call it "being fashionably late."  my mom sees it differently.  and she called me out on it one of my first weeks home.  "that's just who i am," i reasoned.  "and that's a cop out," she said.  dammit, she's right.  
i've been working on it.  i've also been working on some other things like saving money (starbucks expenses have drastically dropped), going to bed earlier (my normal 2 am doesn't work so well with the whole early morning job thing), working out (why hello, YMCA!), and setting other unflinchingly rigid routines (which are good for me to have...  like reading before bed and praying on the way to work... they sound trivial, perhaps, but they've been good for me).  i don't really know how to explain the result of this except that i am beginning to feel more "me" than i have in a long time.  i'm giving my soul room to breathe.  to figure things out.  and it's so terribly, wonderfully, beautifully refreshing.  i feel full. (not like after thankgiving dinner or girls' weekend at the lake (haha...) but i have this tremendous sense of OK-ness.  peace.  that God's in control.  that i'm ok now and will be after i graduate, too (deep breath).  and also, that God called us to live abundant lives in this crazy world.  ...i guess that's kind of what i'm working through, anyway.  baby steps.) 
the moon is out now, dancing faintly on the water.  it's exquisite.  i'd stay to write more, but my battery is dying.  and i think that's a good enough update for now.  
i think i'll go lean on the railing and watch the ocean some more.  drink it in.  be still.  be full.   goodnight.

3 comments:

lb said...

while this might sound cheesy, i'm being seriously sincere:

you inspire me.

see? sounds cheesy, but i mean it. honestly, i'm really impressed that you've found things to improve yourself with and you've been doing them. you've been disciplined. that's something i want and wasn't sure how to get, so, like i said, you inspired me. i hope that all of this transition and change is preparing you for an amazing year... in which we will ACTUALLY go to starbucks. but only every once and a while. :)

Emily said...

Sounds beautiful :)
And yes to the Seinfeld marathons. I finallllly have all the seasons, wooo!

J. M. Richards said...

That's quite beautiful, and good to hear. Your courageousness in being still is encouraging to the rest of us.


Well, I am back for Ireland, and I blogged about it a little. I loved it. It was absolutely beautiful. Greystones was so peaceful. My last few days in the west were kind of a whirlwind, so I miss that a little already. We actually stayed down at Caraig Eden and NOT at the Y as I'd thought earlier, but it was right by the beach and I got to watch the sun rise a few mornings--a novelty, for me!!

Thanks for all the tips...it made me feel like less of a foreigner, since I knew a little about what to expect in Greystones. I wish I could have stayed longer, but at the same time, it's good to be back. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'll get there again.

Was there something in particular you wanted to know?