i inhale deeply. and smile. drink it in. thank you, God.
i've found this to be an especially relaxing vacation. in fact, this has been an especially relaxing summer. i've realized the need to not be so busy, to not go so fast, to just be. and to enjoy it. this, my friends, is revolutionary in the life of blake bachman. i'm always "so busy." and i'm usually late to things. i call it "being fashionably late." my mom sees it differently. and she called me out on it one of my first weeks home. "that's just who i am," i reasoned. "and that's a cop out," she said. dammit, she's right.
i've been working on it. i've also been working on some other things like saving money (starbucks expenses have drastically dropped), going to bed earlier (my normal 2 am doesn't work so well with the whole early morning job thing), working out (why hello, YMCA!), and setting other unflinchingly rigid routines (which are good for me to have... like reading before bed and praying on the way to work... they sound trivial, perhaps, but they've been good for me). i don't really know how to explain the result of this except that i am beginning to feel more "me" than i have in a long time. i'm giving my soul room to breathe. to figure things out. and it's so terribly, wonderfully, beautifully refreshing. i feel full. (not like after thankgiving dinner or girls' weekend at the lake (haha...) but i have this tremendous sense of OK-ness. peace. that God's in control. that i'm ok now and will be after i graduate, too (deep breath). and also, that God called us to live abundant lives in this crazy world. ...i guess that's kind of what i'm working through, anyway. baby steps.)
the moon is out now, dancing faintly on the water. it's exquisite. i'd stay to write more, but my battery is dying. and i think that's a good enough update for now.
i think i'll go lean on the railing and watch the ocean some more. drink it in. be still. be full. goodnight.