agh.

probably my least favorite question ever: "so, what do you want to do with your life?"

annoys the crap out of me. but what's worse: if someone's not asking me, i find myself asking the same horrible question to my friends.

why? i don't know. but i think i've asked it 3 times today.

the truth is, i think i'm scared. maybe because i have friends who have already graduated and started lives in "the real world." maybe because i have friends who are engaged. maybe because i have friends who are MARRIED. maybe because i really don't know what the heck i want to do with my life. maybe because i get nervous when i think too far beyond tomorrow.

i wish decisions could just happen effortlessly and my life could just fall into my lap.

i know that's next to impossible. ...it's too bad anyway.

divided heart.

lately, i've been having a hard time appreciating christmas. this is weird for me. i'm one of "those people" who loves EVERYTHING about christmas. i love the blustery weather, the smell of christmas cookies, picking out (or in my case, usually making) just the right present, CHRISTMAS MUSIC, starbucks holiday drinks, christmas movies (HOME ALONE), decorations and lights... i even love the phrase "merry christmas." but lately, for some reason, i've been hung up with the fact that some countries (heck, even some families in the united states) will not have perfectly wrapped presents with shiny bows underneath their christmas trees this year... if they even have christmas trees. (am i being depressing enough for the day before christmas eve? yeah? ok, sorry.) it's just that i'm having a hard time appreciating it all fully when i know that some people have so very little. and some people, just have little to celebrate.

i don't know why this has suddenly hit me this year. it's not a fleeting thought, either; it keeps coming back to me. perhaps it has something to do with being more "globally minded" (which studying abroad has definitely done to me)? i don't know. but it's something i've been praying about... because i can't get it out of my heart and my mind. overall, our country is so extravagant... (and i guess that bothers me?) i want to enjoy christmas and to rejoice. and i have... and i will... but in the back of my mind, my heart breaks for those who have so little.

hmm.

sorry for being such a debbie downer, haha. i'm afraid it's all i've got right now.

don't worry, i'm alive!

it's been brought to my attention that i've been slacking here. (thanks, suz!) and it's true. so i decided it's time to give you a little update on the happenings of blake elizabeth.

there isn't much else to update you on. i've lived and breathed projects this past month. i guess i'll give you some picture goodness instead. i'm not feeling my writing vibes tonight.

recap via pictures:

the heat went out. beyond our smiling faces, our teeth were chattering...

naturally, to warm up, we did an ab workout.

festive, no?

silent night!

christmas karaoke @ the hollipalooza with the president, his wife, and our student body president!

ok. more to come when i'm less braindead.

late night ramblings.

today, i tried to figure out when life started flying by. i think it was sophomore year. anyway. i wish it wouldn't. i mean, everyone's talking about housing for next year. it's NOVEMBER, kids. before i know it, we'll be talking about fricking graduation. i wish SO much that i could just live in the moment (you know - the whole sucking the marrow out of life thing? yeah.) and leave the future alone. just let it happen, you know? unfortunately, that's not how it works.

geeze louise.

innnnn other news... i am quite in love with the movie dan in real life. (and the soundtrack. ohh sondre lerche.) if you haven't seen it, i commend it to you. it is funny. and quirky. and inspiring. and beautiful. yes. go see it.

also... finally saw boondock saints tonight. whoa. whoa. WHOA. incredible. that's really all i have to say. i rather loved it.

is anyone else as ready for thanksgiving break as i am? i am antsy. and burnt out. (when did that happen?? ...slowly, but oh so surely.) i think i'm just really ready for this semester to be over. shoot, what am i saying?! i want to be in the moment and yet here i am, just wanting to move onto something new and fresh and hopefully a lot less stressful. j-term should be the perfect cure. but... i still have 4(ish) weeks left of this semester. and it would be a shame to wish them away. so despite all the projects and tests and papers, i am going to REALLY try to make them the best 4(ish) weeks i can. how? mmm, more friend time... definitely. more walks. more spontaneous outings. more coffee dates. more swinging at upland elementary. if at all possible, less time in the mac lab. ...that should keep me busy for now.

ok. bedtime. but before i do, a smattering of pics.

[coffee dates with old friends are my favorite.]

[haunted corn mazes are pretty cool, too.]

[grace olson... my window is on the second floor, immediately to the right of the farthest right pillar. love the gorgeous indiana sunset in the background.]

[megs slept on my futon last night... and needed to borrow pj's. so i made the sox fan wear this cards shirt. needless to say, i needed a photo of this.]

oook. that is all. goodnight.

falling in love. (pun intended.)

it's a chilly, beautiful november afternoon. the sky is a perfect blue, dotted with wisps of cloud. the trees are radiant reds, oranges and yellows. i sit at my macbook, window open, wrapped in a blanket, attempting "homework," but i'm really just watching the falling leaves, listening to the weepies, drinking coffee. it's inspiring, really. i think i'm in love.

fast forward?

is it just me, or does anyone else feel like life is suddenly caught in this fast-forward mode? i try not to think about it too much, because i have a tendency to over-analyze and freak out and prematurely worry anyway.

anyways. i think i always at least try to just enjoy life as much as i can... as whitman says, "to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." i think i did that in ireland, almost consciously, because i knew my time there was limited. i went off by myself to spend time with the sea and God and my caramel latte from homans. and then i, of course, spent loads of quality time with my fellow isp'ers, exploring new towns and coffeeshops, going to sweet concerts, paintballing, hiking, road trips, and the list could go on and on until you just want to slap me in the face to bring me back to the reality that i'm not there anymore...

looking back, i'm pretty sure i enjoyed that experience to the fullest. and it was such a beautiful, healthy balance, you know? but now that i'm back at taylor, in the middle of the semester, i honestly don't know where the time has gone. i think, even after being back for two months, that i'm still not "all here." my mindset changed so much over there. i learned to be still and to just enjoy. and i could do that, because i didn't have two tests, a project, quiz, and paper all due the next day. now, i find myself just trying to keep my head above water. largely, i find myself yearning to be able to live deep again, to suck out the marrow, to just be still and enjoy. i'm only in college once. this is my only first semester of junior year that i'll ever get. and it's already half over. i don't even want to start down the path of freaking out about how in two months, i'll only have three semesters left till graduation. few things terrify me more. (dramatic side of me... coming out now.)

i guess i just wish i could slow life down a bit... every now and then... to hit pause so i wouldn't miss the imporant things. remember when we were little? and it seemed like FOREVER until christmas or our birthdays? yeah, me too. i kind of wish for that. just a little bit of that.

finally hitting me...

i've been realizing some things lately. as much as i miss the "good old days" on my old wing, i really do love it over here. i had a really great conversation with one of the girls in my small group last week. she also moved over from another dorm. as we were talking, it hit me that by living in these two different dorms with these two different sets of girls, i don't really find myself fitting into either stereotype. and, because i've lived in both, i'm realizing more and more how stupid those little "barriers" between dorms are. there are amazing girls in my old dorm, and there are amazing girls in this one. i'm thankful i get to see the bigger picture. and i'm thankful i'm here.

a few of the sweet things that have come with junior year...

top secret missions.

shaving cream fights with the brother wing.

melon gourd! 

hanging out with little brother/friends.

watching him get "initiated" into 3rd west. 

just being the random (but super sweet!) juniors that we are (or think we are). that's right. upperclassmen, baby!