late night ramblings.

today, i tried to figure out when life started flying by. i think it was sophomore year. anyway. i wish it wouldn't. i mean, everyone's talking about housing for next year. it's NOVEMBER, kids. before i know it, we'll be talking about fricking graduation. i wish SO much that i could just live in the moment (you know - the whole sucking the marrow out of life thing? yeah.) and leave the future alone. just let it happen, you know? unfortunately, that's not how it works.

geeze louise.

innnnn other news... i am quite in love with the movie dan in real life. (and the soundtrack. ohh sondre lerche.) if you haven't seen it, i commend it to you. it is funny. and quirky. and inspiring. and beautiful. yes. go see it.

also... finally saw boondock saints tonight. whoa. whoa. WHOA. incredible. that's really all i have to say. i rather loved it.

is anyone else as ready for thanksgiving break as i am? i am antsy. and burnt out. (when did that happen?? ...slowly, but oh so surely.) i think i'm just really ready for this semester to be over. shoot, what am i saying?! i want to be in the moment and yet here i am, just wanting to move onto something new and fresh and hopefully a lot less stressful. j-term should be the perfect cure. but... i still have 4(ish) weeks left of this semester. and it would be a shame to wish them away. so despite all the projects and tests and papers, i am going to REALLY try to make them the best 4(ish) weeks i can. how? mmm, more friend time... definitely. more walks. more spontaneous outings. more coffee dates. more swinging at upland elementary. if at all possible, less time in the mac lab. ...that should keep me busy for now.

ok. bedtime. but before i do, a smattering of pics.

[coffee dates with old friends are my favorite.]

[haunted corn mazes are pretty cool, too.]

[grace olson... my window is on the second floor, immediately to the right of the farthest right pillar. love the gorgeous indiana sunset in the background.]

[megs slept on my futon last night... and needed to borrow pj's. so i made the sox fan wear this cards shirt. needless to say, i needed a photo of this.]

oook. that is all. goodnight.

falling in love. (pun intended.)

it's a chilly, beautiful november afternoon. the sky is a perfect blue, dotted with wisps of cloud. the trees are radiant reds, oranges and yellows. i sit at my macbook, window open, wrapped in a blanket, attempting "homework," but i'm really just watching the falling leaves, listening to the weepies, drinking coffee. it's inspiring, really. i think i'm in love.

fast forward?

is it just me, or does anyone else feel like life is suddenly caught in this fast-forward mode? i try not to think about it too much, because i have a tendency to over-analyze and freak out and prematurely worry anyway.

anyways. i think i always at least try to just enjoy life as much as i can... as whitman says, "to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." i think i did that in ireland, almost consciously, because i knew my time there was limited. i went off by myself to spend time with the sea and God and my caramel latte from homans. and then i, of course, spent loads of quality time with my fellow isp'ers, exploring new towns and coffeeshops, going to sweet concerts, paintballing, hiking, road trips, and the list could go on and on until you just want to slap me in the face to bring me back to the reality that i'm not there anymore...

looking back, i'm pretty sure i enjoyed that experience to the fullest. and it was such a beautiful, healthy balance, you know? but now that i'm back at taylor, in the middle of the semester, i honestly don't know where the time has gone. i think, even after being back for two months, that i'm still not "all here." my mindset changed so much over there. i learned to be still and to just enjoy. and i could do that, because i didn't have two tests, a project, quiz, and paper all due the next day. now, i find myself just trying to keep my head above water. largely, i find myself yearning to be able to live deep again, to suck out the marrow, to just be still and enjoy. i'm only in college once. this is my only first semester of junior year that i'll ever get. and it's already half over. i don't even want to start down the path of freaking out about how in two months, i'll only have three semesters left till graduation. few things terrify me more. (dramatic side of me... coming out now.)

i guess i just wish i could slow life down a bit... every now and then... to hit pause so i wouldn't miss the imporant things. remember when we were little? and it seemed like FOREVER until christmas or our birthdays? yeah, me too. i kind of wish for that. just a little bit of that.

finally hitting me...

i've been realizing some things lately. as much as i miss the "good old days" on my old wing, i really do love it over here. i had a really great conversation with one of the girls in my small group last week. she also moved over from another dorm. as we were talking, it hit me that by living in these two different dorms with these two different sets of girls, i don't really find myself fitting into either stereotype. and, because i've lived in both, i'm realizing more and more how stupid those little "barriers" between dorms are. there are amazing girls in my old dorm, and there are amazing girls in this one. i'm thankful i get to see the bigger picture. and i'm thankful i'm here.

a few of the sweet things that have come with junior year...

top secret missions.

shaving cream fights with the brother wing.

melon gourd! 

hanging out with little brother/friends.

watching him get "initiated" into 3rd west. 

just being the random (but super sweet!) juniors that we are (or think we are). that's right. upperclassmen, baby!

tug of wars and teeter totters.

so taylor. i love school (especially being back here after being abroad and then home for the summer). i missed dorm life and friends and handy andy runs and paynes and chapel and yes, the cornfields.

in some ways, being back on campus is like riding a bike. i pick up where i left off and the transition is relatively seamless (except that this time, i'm re-entering the taylor life as a junior, an UPPERCLASSMAN. i sometimes have to remind myself because that is JUST.SO.WEIRD.). mostly, i love being back. but being back means i'm missing something else. the flipside of the coin is that i miss ireland. immensely. i figured i had the whole summer to prep myself, to sort of "get over" missing it. but there's really no "getting over" an experience that changed me and a country that holds such a dear place in my heart.

so i currently have this little tug of war going on in my heart... loving taylor, missing ireland... agh. i know i can't have both. i think God's teaching me a lesson in letting go right now, because as beautiful as those 4 months were, they are over. i can still remember and laugh and look at pictures and share memories... but i'm here now. and i need to really "be" here, you know? i'm only a junior once. i need to embrace it and live it up.

but... that's kind of hard when classes are kickin my booty. every minute of every class, i am reminded that i am an upperclassman. they're hard classes anyway, but taking them after my ridiculously easy "irish courseload" is a double whammy. and along with my 16 credit hours and my 2 jobs, i'm trying to squeeze in a social life... easier said than done. not to mention that now i have all these different "groups" of friends... my ireland friends, my old wingmates, my new wingmates, my brother, my graduated friends... trying to manage my time this semester is a bit like a teeter totter.

this makes me think of a verse i discovered during a quiet time on those big rocks by the greystones harbor:

"BE TO ME A ROCK OF REFUGE, TO WHICH I MAY CONTINUALLY COME." -PSALM 71:3

God is always there, just waiting for me to come to him. again and again and again. when i start to get overwhelmed, when my heart starts the tug of war thing, when managing my time becomes the teeter tottering act, i really try to remember that. i even wrote it out and stuck it on my wall to remind me. hopefully i'll get this down soon?

sweet weekend.

a few things that made yesterday SWEET:

1. having a brother floor (my first in my three years at taylor!) and hanging out with them.
2. putt-putting.
3. chipotle.
4. seeing hootie and the blowfish in indy.
5. knowing the next day (today) would be school-less.
6. realizing that the cards SWEPT cincinnati and are now .504.

it's been a pretty stellar weekend.

good old taylor.

so i'm working the olson hall front desk tonight when three women walk in. they're taylor alums visiting from chicago. (i'd guess they were in their mid 30's.) they were going into marion with their friend (our new hall director), and while they were waiting for her, we got to talking. one of the women is a former first norther (which, although i'm not living there this year, will always be a place dear to me). they kept talking about how many memories are wrapped up in this campus/area for them. they said when they were juniors here, mi pueblo opened and became "THE place" to go. "so much has changed," one of them said, "and yet... it's still taylor." they said they had to laugh when they pulled off highway 69 and saw a starbucks in gas city. "NO WAY!" they laughed.

this got me thinking. what's taylor going to be like in 10 years? 20? i know it will change, but i'm sure it will still be taylor. you know what's funny? i spent 5 minutes talking to these women (i don't even remember their names), but we had a common bond. it was unspoken, but it was so real. i heard it in their laughter and i saw it in their eyes as they reminisced. though separated by years, we were all taylor family. i love that. no matter what changes in the next few decades, i'm confident that taylor will always be "home."